K+163
One hundred sixty three days ago I walked off the Appalachian Trail, successful in my goal to hike the 2,189 miles from start to finish. These past 163 days have been some of the longest, hardest days of my life.
Indeed, months ago I promised a follow up post and yes, it took me this long. I've written this post on and off for weeks, never happy with it. Deleting, rewriting, editing, and writing sections over and over. I'm still not happy with it. I don't think I ever will be. I don't like writing conclusions. It ends things. And I don't want this experience to end.
In a lot of ways I didn't even want to write this post. It meant the closing of the journey. That I had to acknowledge that it was over. For the past few months, I've denied that it was actually over. It felt like my time on the trail had flown past and it was all just one crazy dream. Almost a year ago when I started the trail, I didn't think it would have nearly the impact that it has had on my life thus far.
Post trail life has been a difficult adjustment period. I long for the simple days when my hardest concern was to eat lunch at 11 or 1. Explaining the trail to friends, family, and strangers is a task I've found nearly impossible. How do you explain it in anything less than 100,000 words? Usually I've resorted to the following dialogue:
"How was it?"
"Uh, pretty good, I really loved it."
"Oh, cool."
To try and describe the trail to a non-thru has been a fruitless endeavor. To condense my experiences on the AT in some sort of short, concise way would be both an insult to myself and the trail. Usually when I've tried to talk about it, it leads to puzzled faces, confusion, and sometimes outright disgust. Questions revolving around eating, showering, and general hygiene usually lead to disgust and that final question of, "Why? Don't you like being warm and clean?"
I think the trail has made me less complacent than ever. My entire life I've hated being stagnant. I get bored easily. I pick things up and drop things constantly. I love learning, critically thinking, finding a challenge. The trail was all of these things. The trail never truly repeated. Each day was a new rock, new tree, and new experience. It made me question my decisions made previously.
I stepped off Katahdin more than 5 months ago, and my post-trail depression hasn't wavered. I long for days when I wake up in my sleeping bag, with a purpose, and goal ahead. Something about that simplicity has really changed my outlook. I long for finding kindness. I'm tired of all of the hatred for each other. Many have said it before, but the Trail is the greatest equalizer I have ever experienced. During my time on trail, I met millionaires, people who had sold everything, and everything in between. I met scientists, businessmen, college students, and retired folks. Nobody cared. There were no politics, no bullshit. We all had one same goal. Make it to Katahdin. We were all equals, and I dearly miss that.
However, there were a few groups that people nearly universally disliked: those with guns and those with no respect for the trail or others, but that's another story.
I met a lot of truly wonderful people on trail, many of whom I still keep in contact with. I would have not have survived the hike without many of my cohorts around me to share in the misery, joys, pains, and tribulations. To those I met, who supported me on and off the trail, thank you.
Until the next hike,
Colin "Big O"